1 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,240 Everything's changed. Now Rob's left his job 2 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:09,520 because he wanted to. 3 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,480 He wasn't fired or laid off. 4 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,160 He just felt like it. 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,920 So we have to move house, into a smaller house, 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,520 which is, I mean it's not the end of the world. 7 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,120 You know, there's rooms we don't use. 8 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,640 But it's stressful. It's emotional. 9 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,960 Um, our daughter was born there. 10 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:26,520 - No, she wasn't. - Yep. 11 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,320 Well, she was born while we lived there, 12 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,400 so it's all she knows. 13 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,480 I've had to go back to work, 14 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,160 which, you know, he-- Rob made that choice for us. 15 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:36,720 I mean, it's the right choice. 16 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,520 Well, we all make choices, honey. 17 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:41,920 Don't we, Anthony? 18 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,760 Yeah. Of course we all do. 19 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,840 Uh, so you want to put the house on the market, yeah? 20 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:49,680 Yeah. So I'd say it's worth a fair amount now, 21 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,560 isn't it, our house? We painted it. 22 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:53,720 It's all Deluxe Heritage colors now, isn't it? 23 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,880 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. 24 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,000 We bought it 25 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:57,560 about two and a half years ago, 26 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,160 so I'd say it's value is-- 27 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,200 Yeah, I got you a great price for that, I remember. 28 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,200 But, um, right now I'd say 29 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,720 it's not gonna be worth a lot more 30 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,680 than what you paid for it. 31 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,440 How much not a lot more? 32 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,760 Well, it's all sort of dropped off a bit, ain't it? 33 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,560 Since the old Brexit nonsense. 34 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,280 If I'm honest, now is not a good time to sell. 35 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,760 If I were you, I'd just sort of leave it for a while. 36 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,040 Just out of curiosity, 37 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,720 if it is such a worthless shit hole, 38 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,640 why did you make us buy it in the first place? 39 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,600 We didn't make you buy it, did we? 40 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:35,880 I remember you telling us 41 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,240 we were making a great investment. 42 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:38,440 Yeah, you were. 43 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,120 Look, it is a great investment. 44 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,400 Just sounds to me like you're contradicting yourself. 45 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,080 I'm just telling you the market reality. 46 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,800 The market reality? 47 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:47,520 How you gonna get a good rate with an attitude like that? 48 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,000 You know, what about positive thinking? 49 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,840 I mean, you gotta jazz it up, buddy. 50 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,480 Yeah. And why are you smiling? 51 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:54,000 You're telling us bad news. 52 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,880 You should do that with a somber face 53 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,440 or a neutral one. 54 00:01:57,520 --> 00:01:59,360 It just doesn't seem like you're a serious person. 55 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,360 All the smiling, your clothes. 56 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:02,480 You're at work, 57 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,840 People make life decisions in here, 58 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,880 and you're sitting there all trussed up. 59 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,000 You look like a magician. 60 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,720 Because of the jewelry. 61 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,120 So do we take a sign with us to stick in our lawn? 62 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,920 Nah, we've got a guy. 63 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:19,920 Cool. 64 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,280 So if you think you like the house, 65 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,520 I should say that I received an offer last week 66 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:35,120 from two men-- uh, brothers, I think. 67 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,440 They had the same haircut. 68 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,560 Um, they may just have been roommates. 69 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:40,960 Eh, probably. 70 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,320 They said they were dancers. 71 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,600 - Oh. - In any case, though, 72 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,160 they were talking about knocking this down 73 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,480 and ripping that out. 74 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,040 What? That's nuts. This house is great. 75 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:52,560 Thank you. Yes, my wife had a flair for design. 76 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,520 You can't buy carpets this color anymore. 77 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,400 - It's a very bright brown. - Mm. Persian, 78 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,040 or, as you young people call it now, Iran. 79 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:05,320 We used to call it Persia. That was good enough for us. 80 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,600 So, uh, would you like a drink of any kind? 81 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,520 Oh, yeah. I'll-- I'll have a tea, 82 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,160 uh, with lemon, thank you, Wallace. 83 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,320 Uh, Robert? 84 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,360 Uh, no. I'm good, thank you. 85 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,000 Tea with lemon? 86 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,560 Shut up. 87 00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:20,760 What do you think? 88 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,320 Do you think his wife died here? 89 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,280 Who cares? It's charming as fuck. 90 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,720 I think I love it. 91 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,520 Can I show you one thing very quickly? 92 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,520 Yeah. 93 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,600 What are you doing? 94 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,520 Very uncomfortable. 95 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:40,520 Right. Well, maybe learn to take a shit in under 20 minutes? 96 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,440 That's ridiculous and impossible. 97 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,720 I really like this house. I swear to God, 98 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,360 if you knocked through that pokey kitchen 99 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:47,920 into that ridiculous little scullery, 100 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,520 you'd take away a lot of the-- 101 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,920 charm of the sort of-- 102 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,520 you know, how it's like a cozy maze. 103 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:54,680 So I don't know 104 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:56,120 what those dancers were talking about. 105 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,600 Do you feel bad that we lied to an old man? 106 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,160 I feel bad that you lied to him. 107 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,720 I mean, I was just standing there 108 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,320 while you told him we had a mortgage ready to go. 109 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:05,960 Well, it might be lie today, 110 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,760 but it's not gonna be a lie next week, maybe, I think. 111 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:11,880 I like this little area, do you? 112 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:12,920 Sure. 113 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,400 It's a great house. 114 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:16,200 I mean, I thought I was gonna be embarrassed-- 115 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,720 you know, moving into a tiny house, 116 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,200 but that house is just-- almost feels like a choice. 117 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:21,400 Ha. 118 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,120 How long do you think to sell our house? 119 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,080 I don't know, but even if we get the asking price, 120 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,680 it's gonna be tight if we want to get somewhere in this area. 121 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,440 Yeah, well, maybe it's not just selling the house. 122 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:30,840 Maybe we need to start thinking 123 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,320 about paring back our lives. 124 00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,800 I mean I'll be happy to downsize. 125 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,000 I'm a pretty simple person, and-- 126 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,520 Why are you doing that with your face? 127 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,320 Sorry. Just my eyes rolled back so fast, 128 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,200 it actually pulled my skull backwards. 129 00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:42,720 You're not a simple person. 130 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,040 I am. I'm Irish. We're simple people. 131 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,840 Uh, an Irish milkmaid is a simple person. 132 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,040 You're a cosmopolitan clothes fiend 133 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,880 who consciously left Ireland to come here and shop. 134 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:56,760 Do you really think I'm cosmopolitan? 135 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,800 Well, how about, as a sort of interim 136 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,120 kind of a cash flow sort of a thing, 137 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,600 and, I mean, this might sound crazy, 138 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,640 but I'll remind you it was your idea. 139 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,400 What if, per your idea, 140 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,880 I did become a big and tall model? 141 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,120 I mean, it was crazy then, 142 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,320 but now I weigh at least 20 pounds more, 143 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,720 so I really am big and tall, 144 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,760 so maybe it's not as crazy as I thought. 145 00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:25,000 What? It was your idea. 146 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,640 Yeah, I'm not sure I was being serious. 147 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,040 I think I was probably flirting with you. 148 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,200 You said nice things to me when we first met. 149 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,840 I meant those nice things. 150 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,640 Yeah, well, they were tailored to get into my knickers. 151 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:36,920 I didn't have to say anything special 152 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,360 to get into your knickers. 153 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,640 I just had to say "Hello" or "Remove your knickers." 154 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,040 Well, look, yeah. Give it a go. 155 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,760 I mean, you are-- you're big and tall. 156 00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,400 They'd be lucky to have you. 157 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,560 Just make sure you tell them you won't model fur. 158 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,360 What about leather? 159 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,040 All you're gonna get is leather work. 160 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,080 You could cancel your gym membership. 161 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,040 Not if I'm gonna be a model. 162 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,080 That's right. 163 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,240 Come on, you pussy. 164 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,920 Oh, mother fuck. 165 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:15,480 Ah. 166 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,440 I need to stop. 167 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,760 I don't want to get too ripped on day 1. 168 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,600 Too late, baby. 169 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,040 I haven't seen you for a while. 170 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:28,200 Uh, yeah. I used my membership so little last year 171 00:06:28,280 --> 00:06:31,120 that it worked out to about 70 quid a visit. 172 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,680 I can't afford that. 173 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,480 - Sell your house yet? - Uh, not yet 174 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,000 but we just hired a guy 175 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,560 who wears a lot of really beautiful jewelry 176 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,240 to sell it, 177 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,320 so it should fly off the shelf now. 178 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,280 Fran came to see me last night. 179 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,000 Looks like we've reached a settlement détente. 180 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,840 She wants an amicable divorce. 181 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,320 That's nice. 182 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,680 Ah, when your life falls apart, 183 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,400 it's nice to keep things nice. 184 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,400 I'm gonna give her half of everything-- 185 00:06:58,920 --> 00:06:59,880 including Jeffrey. 186 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,560 What's happening with you and Sharon? 187 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:09,520 You all squared with her snake handling, so to speak? 188 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,680 Yeah. We're okay. It's getting better. 189 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,000 And honestly, at this point in our marriage, 190 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,800 if she makes a mistake, it just gives me leverage 191 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,200 for whatever monstrous thing 192 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,720 I'll definitely do next month. 193 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,400 Marriage is like a game of chess, 194 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,080 but the board is made of water, 195 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,760 and the pieces are made of smoke. 196 00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:28,560 - Who said that? - I said it. 197 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,040 No, you didn't. 198 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,840 Jerry Seinfeld said that. 199 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,600 He said it, too, but who said it first? 200 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,520 - He did. - Yeah, but who just said it? 201 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,640 Spot me. 202 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,760 You have a lovely home. 203 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:53,960 Well, thank you. 204 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,040 I don't think I've ever had the pleasure 205 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,880 of two such beautiful ladies on one social call. 206 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,720 So healthy. 207 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:02,840 Oh, I like you. 208 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,480 Do you come with the house? 209 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,640 Uh, no, no. I-- I hope, when I sell this place, 210 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:10,000 to move into a small apartment in town. 211 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,240 I'd like to be a little, um, closer to the action. 212 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,200 - Oh. - And they'll find me sooner 213 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:17,240 if I die at home by myself. 214 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,040 Oh, don't say that. 215 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:20,680 I'm sure someone would find you here. 216 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,240 Oh, you're too kind. 217 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,160 Uh, so I'll wait to hear from you. 218 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,760 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just, um... 219 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,880 Yeah, we'll just sort the-- Yeah. 220 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,960 Oh, I often think it might be nice to be with an older guy. 221 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,360 They just know more. 222 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,360 Really? They don't seem like they know more. 223 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:39,960 Actually, they're a lot closer to knowing less. 224 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,120 Oh, I don't know. Experience counts. 225 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,880 They'd know their way around a woman's body. 226 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,800 Stop saying stuff like that and looking over at Wallace. 227 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,840 What do you think of it? 228 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,360 Well, if you have to move, 229 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,040 it seems like a good a place as any. 230 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,520 Could Rob just not save you both all this grief 231 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,160 and go back to his job? 232 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,160 It seems like he's being a wee bit of a selfish shit. 233 00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,800 Yeah, but he hated it there. 234 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:01,280 I mean, he really hated it, 235 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:03,280 and I don't currently occupy the moral high ground 236 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,120 because of the-- ck-ck-- so... 237 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,720 There's fireplaces in all the bedrooms. 238 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,920 Oh, Game of Thrones. 239 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,240 You can make love in front of every one of them. 240 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,960 Hey, thanks for doing this. 241 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,560 Nothing else to do. 242 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,440 I kicked Patrick out last week. 243 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,760 Oh, I'm sorry. He was awful. 244 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,360 I'm getting straight back on the horse, though. 245 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,160 - Going right back out there. - Well, good for you. 246 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:23,640 Just gonna have a little nip and tuck first. 247 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:25,080 Really? 248 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,680 - Why? - It's tough out there, 249 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,520 and you catch a lot more flies with honey than shit. 250 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,240 I mean, I'm not saying that this is shit, 251 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,040 but I'd like a little more honey. 252 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,600 Is that true? Catch more flies with honey than shit? 253 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,000 Isn't shit, like, they're favorite thing? 254 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:39,760 What's he doing? 255 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:42,960 Oh. 256 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,560 Hi. 257 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,880 Aw. 258 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,840 You've got two original fireplaces, 259 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,040 original wood flooring. 260 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:56,120 It's parquet, right? 261 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,320 Yeah, that's parquet, that. 262 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,000 When you add that to your great schools 263 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,640 and your transport links, you can't really go wrong. 264 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,320 Well, we're gonna have a look upstairs now, yeah? 265 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,720 - Help yourself. - Great house. 266 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,280 Oh, thank you. Enjoy the bedrooms. 267 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,600 If there's any dirty knickers on the floor, 268 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:07,720 just kick them under the bed. 269 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:08,880 I mean, there won't be. 270 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,360 We knew you were coming. 271 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,480 Added features... 272 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,760 - Do you think they like it? - I don't know. 273 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:17,360 Do you think they'll put an offer in? 274 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:18,520 Yeah, no, I know. You don't know. 275 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,960 Fuck. It's nerve-wracking. 276 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,160 I went to see Wallace's place again with Fran. 277 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,360 He asked if we were full steam ahead. I didn't know what to tell him. 278 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,720 The truth-- that we're not? 279 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,600 I mean, we don't even have an offer on this place yet. 280 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,200 Yeah, but he's put an offer in on his bachelor pad. 281 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,920 Well, tell him not to do that. 282 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,120 Why? Look, if we get Wallace's place, 283 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,760 it's gonna take the money pressure off, right? 284 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,240 Yeah, but we don't even have a mortgage yet. 285 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:38,680 Yeah, but we will. 286 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,640 We're asking for half the mortgage we got now. 287 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,360 Let's just do it. Let's go for it. 288 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:43,640 We're gonna sell this place. 289 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,720 I mean, look at it. Look at our cushions. 290 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,040 I'd buy it if I didn't already own it or could afford it. 291 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,000 It's nuts we've had no offers yet. 292 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,440 We should put it on with another estate agent. He's an idiot. 293 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,720 What does he do up there, take a nap with them? 294 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,800 Or like, uh, put on a magic show? 295 00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:01,960 That's probably what he does. 296 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,240 We should call him David Blaine, 297 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:04,720 like, between us, like, to each other. 298 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,400 David Blaine it is. 299 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,600 Fran told me she's getting some work done. 300 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:14,880 - On her house? - No, on her face. 301 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,600 Christ, why is she doing that? 302 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:20,400 I don't know. Because she's in her mid-40s and single 303 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,280 and it's grim out there. 304 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,080 So she wants to look more like an angry, surprised alien 305 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,320 when she meets new guys? 306 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,960 Don't you do anything to your face. 307 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:31,400 Okay. 308 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:33,440 I'm serious. Never ever touch your face. 309 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,800 Well, you know, I don't plan to, 310 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,640 but if, down the road, 311 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,000 there was a procedure that didn't hurt 312 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,560 - and it was guaranteed-- - Look, look, no, listen. 313 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:43,080 I want to fuck you. 314 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,560 - Do you? - Yeah, 315 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,920 because you're like 316 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,000 "This is it, take it or leave it." 317 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,760 It's like bald guys. 318 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,280 Women and gay guys don't give a shit if a guy's bald 319 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,440 if he's like "I'm a man, I'm fucking bald, 320 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,120 and that's how it is." 321 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,080 Then you're like "Gimme that dick, you bald asshole." 322 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,240 Yeah, that's true. 323 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:03,760 Don't you go bald, though. 324 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:04,840 Okay. 325 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,760 So there's nothing about me you'd change? 326 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,600 - What? - No, I mean surgically. 327 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,920 There's nothing about me 328 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,640 you'd surgically change if you could? 329 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:16,920 No. 330 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,000 Not even my saggy tits? 331 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,320 - They're not saggy. - Yeah, they are. 332 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,600 I was bending over, getting out the bath the other day, 333 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,360 and Frankie pointed at them and said "Tubes." 334 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,160 Fuck Frankie. 335 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,480 Look, are they less like the breasts 336 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,560 I would've drawn on my notebook in high school? 337 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,680 Maybe, but are they attached to you? 338 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,440 Are they still a couple feet above an amazing pussy? 339 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,760 That's the nicest thing you've said to me in weeks. 340 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,120 Oh. It's Wallace. 341 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,560 It's 10 past 11. 342 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,680 Yeah. He's old, 343 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,640 so he doesn't know how to text. 344 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,800 I think he's just lonely, and he likes me. 345 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,440 He's like the grandpa I never had. 346 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:01,760 I mean, I had grandpas, 347 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,440 but they were more, you know, drunker. 348 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,200 You're not gonna answer it? 349 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,800 No. It's fucking 10 past 11. 350 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,160 - Hey. - Hi. 351 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:56,760 - Mm. - Mm. 352 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:59,000 You know, I'm just gonna grab a couple for my kids. 353 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,240 Yeah, sure. 354 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,440 Um, my pass thing isn't-- 355 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,760 Let's have a look. May I see it? 356 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,640 Um... 357 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,440 Oh, it says we charged your card 358 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,120 for the membership for the last quarter, 359 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:17,080 - and it didn't go through. - Oh, that's weird. 360 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,280 Uh, you know, my other card is in my car. 361 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,880 Do you mind if I pop out and grab that? 362 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,120 Sure. 363 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,240 I've thought about vaginal rejuvenation, 364 00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:44,000 but I've been pretty good with my kegals, 365 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,680 and I've only had one child-- 366 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,920 a son-- the actor Jeffrey Baisley? 367 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,600 So I'm doing pretty good in that department. 368 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,560 We don't do vaginal rejuvenation here anyway. 369 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,360 Oh, good. 370 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,480 So, um... 371 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:05,840 what were you, uh, thinking of? 372 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,360 Uh, well I-- I was thinking of my chin. 373 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,200 There's nothing wrong with your chin. 374 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,320 Or not my chin, my jowls. 375 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,720 Get these bits lifted up, up and away. 376 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,000 I try and keep my hair short 377 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:17,280 to try and not draw attention-- 378 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,160 Why would you do that? 379 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,200 I don't know where you got the insane idea 380 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:23,800 that you need to do this. 381 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:27,680 Television, magazines, ads on the tube. 382 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,200 Uh-- 383 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,080 Maybe just inject a wee bit of botox like-- 384 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:36,640 Yes. I could. 385 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,360 Maybe after, I'll nip to the Louvre, 386 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:43,320 paint a little petunia in the Mona Lisa'shair. 387 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,840 - Sorry? - I wouldn't do that. 388 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,680 You know why? She's a masterpiece. 389 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,720 Doesn't need it. 390 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:50,360 Neither do you. 391 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:52,920 Oh. 392 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,320 Uh... 393 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,160 back in a minute. 394 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,360 Excuse me. Oh. Sorry. 395 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,560 Uh, I wanted to, um-- 396 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:13,040 Look, maybe you've just got a very good bedside manner 397 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:14,480 and I have misinterpreted this, 398 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,320 but since my husband left me, 399 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,680 my motto is-- well, I don't have a motto. 400 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,240 I'm not a netball club. 401 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,120 But it's nothing ventured, nothing gained. 402 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:26,280 So... 403 00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,560 Sorry. 404 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,440 "I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me." 405 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,920 "And what can be the use of him is more than I can see." 406 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,400 "He's very very like me from the heels up to the head." 407 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,960 "And I see him jump before me 408 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,640 when I jump into my bed." 409 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,240 "The funniest thing about him is the way he likes..." 410 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,920 Um, I can't talk unless it's an emergency. 411 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,920 - Is it an emergency? - No, I'm just-- 412 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,320 It's an emergency. Sorry. 413 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,320 I have an emergency. 414 00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,160 Hey, what did they say? 415 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,520 I'm just heading into the bank now. 416 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,040 Oh, okay. Well, it'll be fine. 417 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,640 Just thank them for the huge mortgage we have, 418 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,160 and tell them we want to trade it in for a smaller one. 419 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:07,840 - It's so simple. - Yep. 420 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,440 It's not like we're trying to fleece anybody. 421 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:10,760 We're just trying to be responsible adults. 422 00:17:10,840 --> 00:17:12,680 - Yeah. - Treating us like criminals. 423 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,440 - I haven't even gone in yet. - Okay. Sorry 424 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,640 Um, well, look, um, good luck. 425 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,680 Call me. 426 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,600 Fuck. 427 00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:30,840 Hey! I'm sitting here! 428 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,280 Fucking jerk. 429 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,280 Hey. Hi, Dan. 430 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:44,800 Uh, it's Rob. I just want to- 431 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,520 Hey, Rob. Yeah, I was just about to call you. 432 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,080 Well, great. 433 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:49,360 Yeah, it didn't go your way with Glenco. 434 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,000 - Right. - Yeah. Apparently, 435 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,520 they had mostly hired this other guy 436 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:53,840 before they saw you, 437 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,320 but then they still really wanted to see you, 438 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:56,960 uh, but then meeting you, 439 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:58,680 uh, didn't make them change their mind 440 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,240 about the other guy. 441 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,480 Does that make sense? 442 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,400 Does that make sense? No. 443 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,600 They knew they had the guy that they wanted, 444 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:07,560 but they still strung me along for a week? 445 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:09,000 No, no, that doesn't make sense 446 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:10,880 in answer to your query. 447 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:30,240 Hey. 448 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,920 Hey, Dave, you busy? 449 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,520 Not really. What's up? 450 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,480 Well, I was wondering if you knew of any people 451 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,440 that might be able to help me with a mortgage 452 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:41,880 that operate outside 453 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,440 of the traditional banking realm. 454 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:46,560 Uh, yeah, I definitely do. 455 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,000 Well, great. 456 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,160 Yeah, but I think what sets them apart from a bank 457 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:51,440 is their interest rates 458 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,720 aren't super competitive, 459 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,840 and if you're late for a payment, they will kill you, 460 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,880 and there'd be no funeral and no wake 461 00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,680 because your body wouldn't be found. 462 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,920 I mean, you could have a memorial service, 463 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,240 but there'd be no body. 464 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,240 Uh, does that make sense? 465 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,080 I didn't get that job. 466 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:11,880 Oh, fuck. 467 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,720 Oh, shit. How did it go with the-- 468 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,480 And they're not gonna give us a mortgage. 469 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,760 - What? - He said the biggest mortgage we could get 470 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,160 was for a stereo. 471 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:21,520 Why would he say that? 472 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,520 He didn't say that, but it turns out 473 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,840 that a schoolteacher and a house husband 474 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:28,320 don't qualify for a mortgage of the size that we need. 475 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,080 For people in our position, 476 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:33,880 a more realistic time to get a mortgage would be 2007. 477 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,000 We didn't even know each other then. 478 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,160 So what-- 479 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,000 Why are you wearing no trousers? 480 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,600 Because on top of everything else, 481 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,160 I'm fat now and they hurt, 482 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:45,840 so when I got home, I threw them away. 483 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:49,680 Oh, Christ. 484 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,520 This is terrible news. 485 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,240 So what now? I mean, what-- 486 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,760 Oh, shit. What about Wallace? 487 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:56,000 What about Wallace? 488 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,320 No, I know it's not as-- 489 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,760 But I just-- 490 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,000 I feel awful. His little bachelor pad. 491 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,560 Mm, sorry our shitty lives 492 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,120 are now making somebody else's worse. 493 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,160 - He could die soon. - We're not a hospice. 494 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,120 - You're gonna have to tell him. - You have to tell him. 495 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,560 We feel terrible about this. 496 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,520 We feel sick, honestly. 497 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,480 It's a-- It's a terrible situation 498 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:16,760 for-- for everyone, 499 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,200 I mean we're devastated-- 500 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,880 not just for us, but for letting you down. 501 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:24,120 You know, when our daughter Muireann was born, 502 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,520 I said to Sharon-- 503 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,640 Are you mentally retarded? 504 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,880 No, I'm not. 505 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,680 So just an idiot and a liar. 506 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,600 You-- You-- You don't have a job, 507 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,000 but you thought you could get a mortgage? 508 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,280 Well, no, but Sharon-- 509 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,760 No. No, no. 510 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,520 I'm going to sue you. You shook my hand. 511 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,000 You can't sue us for shaking your hand. 512 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,360 I fought at Suez, and that wasn't half as upsetting 513 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,000 as what you people are putting me through. 514 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,640 We-- We brought you cupcakes. 515 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,680 You're liars, stupid liars. 516 00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,360 Well, look, we really hope this doesn't mean 517 00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,560 you've lost your apartment in town. 518 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,040 Oh, it better fucking not! 519 00:21:01,120 --> 00:21:03,080 Well, we're very sorry. 520 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,200 I'm going to have to sell the home I raised my children in 521 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,280 to a pair of faggots. 522 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:07,920 - Wallace! What? - Hey, Wallace, 523 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,360 look, we're very sorry about all of this, okay? 524 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:11,840 But in actual legal fact, 525 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:13,720 you have no power over us, okay? 526 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,720 So this visit, or the first half of it, 527 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,600 was just to extend you a courtesy. 528 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,200 We're sorry, okay? 529 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,920 And we hope you don't wind up on the street 530 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,000 because you look pretty frail. 531 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,760 Frail? Oh! 532 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,320 I'll kick a cupcake up your pussy! 533 00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:28,480 Why are you looking at me? 534 00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,120 Let's go. Let's just go. 535 00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:37,280 And he definitely doesn't know where we live? 536 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:40,000 Not unless he followed us home. 537 00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,600 What are we gonna do? 538 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,200 We keep the doors locked? 539 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:45,960 I have a big flashlight under the bed. 540 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,560 I meant about where we live. 541 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,520 I think we're gonna have to rent somewhere. 542 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,760 Well, we definitely can't afford to stay here. 543 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,880 We can afford it for, like, another hour and a half. 544 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,680 Okay. I'm sure-- I'm not definite, 545 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,360 but I'm pretty sure that I've still got 546 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,200 a Post Office savings account in Ireland. 547 00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,880 I don't know how much is in there, but-- 548 00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,800 Is it more or less than £800,000? 549 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,320 It's less. 550 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,200 Well, then you can just leave it there, then. 551 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:25,800 Can I help you? 552 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:29,400 Um, yeah. I was just wondering, um, 553 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,000 how to go about, uh, getting on your books? 554 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,160 In what way? 555 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:40,880 Uh, well, uh, I'm 6'4", and I weigh 250 pounds, 556 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,760 and, you know, it's just something 557 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,240 that my wife thought that I should see if-- 558 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,920 she wondered if, you know, if it would be worth-- 559 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,960 Would that be possible? 560 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:51,600 I'm afraid we're not currently looking 561 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,200 to take any new clients on our books. 562 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,800 Right. Sure. 563 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,520 But thank you. 564 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,280 Thank you. 565 00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,800 Hey, Harita, long time, no, uh... 566 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,240 Well, I just wanted to call 567 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:17,080 and-- and check in and see how you're doing. 568 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,640 I hope you had a nice, um, break. 569 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,200 I think I remember you saying 570 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,120 you were going on a whaling trip off of Okinawa. 571 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,040 I hope-- hope that was fun. 572 00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,600 Um, so yeah, give me a call. 573 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,200 I wanted to talk about my future, 574 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,440 see if you had any use for this old bag of bones 575 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,240 around the old shop. So, 576 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,320 yeah, anyway, give me a call. I miss you guys.